Thursday, May 3, 2012

Sweet Beginnings

Tonight, I had an incredible opportunity. A privilege. A chance to witness the miracle of life, to hold my sweet niece, Nicole, at less than 24 hours old.
How beautiful is she? I mean really, look at her. :-)
In all of her sweet sugar and spice perfection, she slept in my arms almost the entire time I visited.

As always, when I see newborn babies, I feel a gentle pull. A soft voice reminding me of all we missed out on with Bodie, of all his heart defect robbed us of. Of how tough the second half of the pregnancy was, of how consumed with fear and worry I was, of how I couldn't even bring myself to have a baby shower. Of how, once he was born, I didn't get to see him for but a minute before they whisked him away to the NICU. Of how I didn't get to see him again for 24 hours, or hold him until he was 5 days old, and even that was only briefly. Of how we has 6 weeks old before coming home; 2 1/2 months old before we ever truly got to have "skin to skin" contact free of any tubes or wires. Of how we never got to nurse, thanks to his paralyzed vocal cord. Of how our "newborn" experience was anything but typical. 

HLHS has robbed us of so much.

But then, I think of my silly boy, who, right before I left tonight to go meet Nicole, was squealing excitedly about and pointing at "The moon, mama! The moon!!! The MOON!!!" and who wrapped his arms SO tightly around my neck, gave me a kiss and said "bye bye mama, I love you" when I  left. Of my little guy who clearly still views me as his long lost body part erroneously severed at birth. Of my sweet boy who asks me to "nuggle" (Bodie speak for "snuggle") before every nap and at bedtime.

And I realize it doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter the road we took to get here. That it wasn't a typical newborn path. It only matters that we're here. That we've made up for lost time. Praise God we've had that chance.

So, tonight (although, yes, I'll admit it I got teary eyed in seeing how very very pink Nicole's lips were, knowing I've never seen Bodie's lips that pink), I only left room in my heart to rejoice in Nicole's birth. And what a perfect little angel to rejoice over!
Happy Birthday, Nicole! Welcome to the world, sweet one!


  1. She is beautiful! She is blessed to have 2 wonderful cousins like Sierra & Bodie! When Bodie said "the moon" all I could think of was Jackie Gleason from the Honeymooners - remember "to the moon Alice!" ? LOL

  2. Oh she is beautiful! Reading your words was like reading my own. What you just shared is almost what I shared for her bday. To me pregnancy was one of the toughest parts of this journey. We bought no clothes. We were afraid to set up a nursery. So much fear. Hope too, but for sure fear. I only got to see her for 30 seconds before they took her away. No holding. Like you, no nursing. Days before I held her. Weeks before I held her wire free. Just so hard. BUT, all that matters is that she is here with us now.

    There is nothing like holding a sleeping newborn... beautiful.