Working 9 to 5...

The kiddos had "Career Day" at school today. I was so proud of Sierra. In true multitasking free spirit fashion, she chose to dress as a 

"Ballet dancing mother"

I mean, could you die from the cuteness? 

We do love our Ergos in our house.

I just love that she wanted to represent her dream of being BOTH a ballet dancer AND a mama. I am so grateful that, even at 8, she feels a calling to be a mother AND pursue her own dreams, that she understands that the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive. I think that means I'm doing something right. I hope.

And Bodie was there, too. 

As a paramedic. 

Which has been his dream for at least 2 years now. 

It's so adorable.

He's obsessed with ambulances and really wants to be a paramedic. 

(Or, you know, probably more likely the ambulance driver, what with his endurance issues, but hey, we're not killing his dreams at the tender age of 5.)

So, paramedic it was. Except we don't have a paramedic costume. 

So, we just recommissioned his swat team uniform from Halloween 2014. Which totally worked.

Well, sort of. 

Poor kid.

What can I say? He's kid #2. 

I suppose the upside is that we have empirical proof that the kid who refuses to eat is, in fact, growing. 

Working on my average

About a year and a half ago, I wrote a post about being an average mom. Still one of my favorite posts to date. If you want to make yourself feel like a stellar parent (trust me, it'll be like a late Christmas gift to yourself), you can check out the blogpost here. I'd love to say I've moved into the B (or heck, I'd take a B-) category, but I don't think I have. But it's not for a lack of an effort!

For instance, this is my "light reading" stack on my bedside table. 

(To be fair, I've actually finished the top 4. I can wholeheartedly recommend all 4- really great books. Oh, and I also read "Where'd you Go Bernadette," but can't find it at the moment. Also, a fantastic read.

But I digress. I have found a reoccurring thing in two of the books so far (in For the Love and Love Does). While they equally inspire me and make me feel like the most lackadaisical parent on the planet because I'm not trekking my kids to London on their 10th birthdays, one inspiring thought keeps hitting me. 

What inspires my children? Not "what do I think inspires them, but what truly sets their hearts on fire?" 

Because the latter is a different kind of question than the former. The former we dream of from the moment we find out we're pregnant, going to be bringing another soul into the world. We imagine they'll be like us, and that what inspires us will inspire them. Because after all, I am a perfectly reasonable and cool human being, so why wouldn't my children be exactly like me?

But then, somewhere in the child rearing experience - somewhere between birth and 5 or 6, you start to see a new person emerging, someone who has their own likes and dislikes (ok, that starts approximately 5 seconds after they've exited the womb), but also someone who in inspired by things maybe you are not inspired by. And that lesson comes later.

So I've been really trying hard to listen to my kids, to do that whole intentional parenting thing everyone is raving about (which is apparently a thing and super important, but also kind of stinking hard to actually do it). I've been listening to the things my kids are saying about what they're interested in and inspire them.

I'll be honest - for a 5 year old boy, that list is pretty short. Star Wars and Legos. I'm serious. That's it.

But as I've been digging deeper, I'm seeing a real interest in the fine arts, by both of my kids. Nice that they inherited it from Daddy, since they certainly weren't getting that from me! But Bodie loves art and really spends a LOT of time on it. I can remember his preschool teacher telling me she would always have to make sure Bodie started his art with the earlier group of kids, because he would always be so meticulous and make sure his was exactly the way he wanted that he would take the most time. 

And this week, his teacher showed me this.

Pretty cool, huh? Not sure whether the heart on the chest was intentional was not, but I'm pretty much digging that.

And Sierra LOVES art, and ballet, and is becoming quite the clarinet player. We're having so much fun watching that part of her blossom.

So this week, when the kids had the day off school, I decided to take them to the Art Museum. And let me tell you, the kids were in utter bliss. 

I was worried Bodie wouldn't do so well, since he doesn't quite get the whole "look with your eyes, not with your hands" concept. But, I tell ya, he so did. Didn't touch a thing he wasn't supposed to, and kept running from exhibit to exhibit, loving them all. And Sierra wanted to stay in every room a bit longer, talking about the artists she is learning about in school.

And both of my kiddos were really taken in with the modern art exhibit. Which I stumbled into. On accident. Because that's the only way you're getting me in a modern art exhibit. So not my gig. Seriously. Clearly not in my genes.

I mean, c'mon - a giant comb. Why? Just…why?

They were obsessed with the color light exhibit (as was I - totally amaze balls)

(for the record, this is the only place Bodie is allowed to be this blue.)

and the children's art center, where they got to paint something themselves.

The kids were brimming over with excitement and cannot wait to go back. I was sort of blown away - I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. I guess it just goes to say - a little bit of intentional parenting goes a long way. Because these kids walked away inspired and moved. And I walked away with a little better appreciation of what inspires and moves them.

If you have kids, take some time to look inside them and find out what inspires THEM. Not just what you think inspires them, or what they're good at. Sometimes what they're good at IS what inspires them. But sometimes it's NOT. And part of our job as parents is to help them discern between the two. Except it's hard to remember in-between getting homework and extracurriculars managed, getting kids fed, vitamins in and teeth brushed, and kids to bed at a decent hour. Sometimes, we get so boggled down by the day to day mundane that we forget that we are actually raising people, who yes, need to be able to prioritize schedules and get along with others and wipe their own butts after going to the bathroom for Pete's sake. But, somewhere along the way, we need to also teach them how to figure out what inspires them, shapes them and will ultimately guide their lives. 

Kind of a tough job for us average parents, but I think we can do it. I hope.

I'll leave you with this quote from Love Does, which spoke right to my heart and inspired me. I hope it does for you as well.

"I think that's because, He (God) has the same kind of relationship in mind for us that I had in mind for my kids. I think a father's job, when it's done best, is to get down on both knees, lean over his children's lives, and whisper, 'Where do you want to go?'" 

- Bob Goff, Love Does

The kid's got rhythm…and I've got PTSD.

Dusk and I have a ritual. There is a Wendy's across the street from CHLA. Every time Bodie has a surgery, once we have sent him off to the OR and know there will be no updates for a couple of hours, we pull ourselves together and head over to Wendy's, where we eat lunch - usually around 10am. (In our defense, Bodie is usually first case, so by the time we've gotten up at the crack of dawn, driven up to CHLA, spent a couple of hours in pre-op and been completely traumatized by handing our son over, it feels like lunchtime. Actually it mostly feels like vodka and a meltdown time, but that's a whole 'nother Oprah. So we settle on Wendy's.) 

Anyway, Wendy's.

Bodie had an appointment at CHLA today with his electrophysiologist and as we drove by Wendy's, I had this rush of emotion and blurted out "I HATE THAT WENDY'S!!! I mean I really HATE that place!" For real. Can you say ptsd much? I mean, really, what is there not to love about Wendy's? Amazing chicken sandwiches, great salads, and don't get me started on the Frosty's. But, yeah, that one apparently has waaaaay too much anxiety associated with it to be on my favorite list.

The thing is, I've driven by that Wendy's 100 times, and never had any sort of reaction. I think that's because we've always been so connected to CHLA, with regular doctor's visits and Family Advisory Council meetings. But we haven't been there much lately. For a variety of reasons, I've backed off from my Family Advisory Council role for some time now. And Bodie is in a good place. A really good place. We're only up at CHLA for bi-annual electrophysiology and pulmonology appointments right now. Not bad for a kid who spent his first 5 months inpatient and was in and out of the hospital after his last surgery. I think now, being in a good spot physically, we're just not there as much and my mind is having time to actually have PTSD (as opposed to what I lovingly refer to as "DTSD" or DURING Traumatic Stress Syndrome). This might be the first time someone is excited to have PTSD. 

So, there you go. 

Apparently I have PTSD, hate Wendy's and like Vodka. 

Little known facts about me.

But I digress.

As for this little dude's appointment, it went fantastic. 

His heart rhythm looked great, he's pacing most of the time (91%, which means he's tachycardic less than 9% of the time). As recently as a year or two ago, he was tachycardic for 25-50% of the day, so this is HUGE. His med cocktail is working, he's growing, and his rhythms are good. We know surgery WILL be happening sometime in the future (not open-heart, but heart surgery nonetheless to disconnect the nerve that runs adrenaline to his heart, to reduce the risk of serious adrenaline induced tachycardia), but for right now, it's still on the back burner. When it moves to the forefront and with how much urgency will really depend on Bodie's heart and when we start to see indicators of increased unwanted ventricular activity. And we're ok with that. 

And then we all just stood around in awkward silence, trying to figure out what to do when we didn't have crazy rhythm issues to discuss for an hour. 

So, pretty much the best end to an appointment ever. 

We seriously love Bodie's team so much.

We're super blessed to have such smarty pants minds managing Bodie's rhythm issues. 

And the fact that they all loved his shirt just makes us love them even more.

(for the record, it reads 

"Suck it, natural selection

I'm still here."

I'd say that about covers it.)

My gift to my family this Christmas

I'm currently reading "For the Love" by Jen Hatmaker and it's really resonating with me.

If you haven't read this book yet, do yourself a favor and grab a copy. It's a really great read about finding grace in a world of really high standards. It's about Jesus' redeeming gift of grace and salvation, it's about motherhood, it's about womanhood. It's just about life. And it's really funny. And, honestly, for me, has been a bit life changing. 

This is the part that spoke like a dagger straight into my heart, the part where she talks about the differences between "spicy" and "sweet" families.

"We are spicy people. We love obnoxious humor and sarcasm and are very, very loud. The lot of us suffers from Enormous Feelings, which makes us a passionate, emotional bunch. Our permanent default setting is exclamation marks!! We don't really "do gentle." We don't actually know what that means."

O

M

G

After first checking around over my shoulder to make sure she didn't have a video monitoring my family, I stopped in my tracks and took in her statement. FINALLY. Someone understood my family dynamic. That is us, in a nutshell. (Those of you who know us well are nodding your heads vigorously right now.) I cannot begin to explain the enormous sense of relief I felt in realizing that there are other families like us.

 I would love to blame it all on Bodie and the ridiculous amount of crap that has been hurled at our family in the last 9 years, but really, I can't. It's just how we are. It's how God made us, Dusk, me, Sierra and (definitely) Bodie. 

Jen goes on to talk about extending grace to ourselves, in this whole parenting experience, and that, in the end, if her children's childhoods are "mostly good," she will have been successful as a parent.

Her entire chapter, "Hope for Spicy Families" and later "Dear Kids" (bring tissue for that chapter - it's amazeballs and has all the feels) really hit home for me. They made me realize how much of effort and energy I expend daily in trying to reign in my "spicy" family to make it "sweet," as though that is my goal in life.

But what if it's not?

What if God made my family to be spicy? And the best us is a spicy version of ourselves, not a mellowed out version that looks like someone else's family? 

What if, in trying to tone us down, I'm not giving God room to let the talents and gifts HE has given my children to shine through? If I'm so busy comparing them to the inordinately well behaved kiddos in the family sitting next to us in the restaurant, or playing so nicely with one another at school, I'm not taking the time to look at who MY KIDS are. I might be missing their wonderful quirkiness, their love of life, their excitability (oh for the love, their excitability - it is off the charts, folks). 

I might miss Sierra's curious nature and oh, my heavens, risk taking personality.

NOTHING scares this kid. That is probably my favorite trait of hers. She is ALWAYS up for new adventures. 

And well, I probably wouldn't miss Bodie's off the charts excitement about things, because, let's face it, I'm pretty sure you can feel his excitement 10 states away.

But, I might be a little better equipped to deal with the other end of his excitement.

I call this one "When you inherited mommy's competitive gene…but your skills don't quite back up said competitive gene yet." 

I guess my point is this. In this crazy world of social media showing us how perfect everyone else's family is, maybe we can give our own families some grace to be who God designed them to be - spiciness and all.

I know I can't be the only one in this boat. I'm not certain my kids will get out of childhood remembering it as "mostly good" (there's not much I can do about everything that has come our way), but if I can get sort of close to mostly good, I'll take it. 

I'm not sure that was Jen Hatmaker's point in that chapter. But, for me, it was the point God wanted me to hear. And the gift I'm giving my family this Christmas. To take a step back and love the spiciness. Discipline where it's needed, yes, but not so much that I miss the chance to shepherd the talents He has given us. 

So, Jen, thanks for the Christmas gift. I know two kids who will really appreciate it.

The Dreams you dare to dream

Here's the thing about raising a medically fragile child. It's hard, some days downright impossible, to try to imagine the future.  When Bodie was a tiny newborn lying in a hospital bed, recovering from open-heart surgery, and having so many complications, I couldn't see past the next 24 hours, let alone the weeks and months after that. Even once he ultimately did come home and started to thrive, even then, I didn't let myself look too far down the road. I don't think I ever bought clothes bigger than the size Bodie was currently wearing until he was close to 2 years old. It's hard to explain why. I'm sure it was just how my mind dealt with such a staggering medical condition. 

I never dared to dream of things like walking, and running, and going to preschool, let alone graduating and starting kindergarten some day. And, to a degree, I still don't think much beyond the stage we're at, which, right now, is a pretty sweet stage.

So, to hit another milestone tonight was pretty sweet. This was one Dusk and I never even imagined. But here we are.

Our little dude lost his first tooth tonight.

I get it, it's just a tooth. It's not that big a deal. Every kid goes through this. And I know I do have a penchant for dramatizing things. But, peeps, this IS a big deal. It's a childhood milestone. And one, by all accounts, we never knew if we'd even get. 

So yeah, tonight was a pretty big deal in the Bennett household.

And, I might add, this kid pulled that sucker after only having it loose for a couple of weeks. I think Sierra's first tooth took months to come out - she was so scared of it. But not Bodie. This dude wiggled and wiggled, and took a few balls and lego boxes to his face unwittingly in the past week. And finished it off tonight. 

(A big huge thank you to Gigi Nancy and Popo Bill for the adorable tooth fairy pillow and the "Night before the Tooth Fairy" book!)

The kid.is.so.stinking.proud.and.excited. 

And so are we.

And, as an aside, losing a tooth when you're on aspirin is a whole nother Oprah. He kept asking me when it was going to stop bleeding. I just kept saying "I don't know, bud. Soon, I think…I hope?" 

On Moving On...

When I was in 7th grade, my best friend Lynetta moved away. (At least I think that was her name – I’m sure my 7th grade self would be super ticked that the 39 year old version of me can’t even remember the “super duper important” girl’s name.) At the time, it felt like the world was ending. But then again, most everything feels like the world is ending when you’re in 7th grade. But I digress. It really did feel like my world was ending. 

Of course it wasn’t.

But here I find myself, 25 years later, feeling like my world is ending again. Because my best friend is moving again.

Being left behind kinda stinks. 

(But lest I get totally caught in 7th grade drama, let me preface this by saying that my bestie, Faith is amazeballs. Completely and totally. She has one of those incredibly dynamic and engaging personalities. So I am 100,000% certain that she has lots of people who would say that she is their best friend. And I totally don’t want to offend them or detract from the specialness of their friendships. And I have other best friends too – like Bonnie, my bestie since 5th grade (except for the aforementioned 7th grade detour – we’ll call those the “dark years”) and Valerie (who moved clear across the country from me a few years back and is the reason we go to South Carolina every couple of years). But right now, Faith is where it’s at. Totally my bestie.)

She’s amazing. The kind of friend where you can talk and laugh for hours and still leave wanting more. The kind of friend where you can try on clothes together and shop for hats and jewelry together with. The kind of friend you can text at the last minute and ask her to grab your kids from school – and then invite the whole family for dinner when she drops them off. 

And it’s not just her. 

Her eldest daughter is Sierra’s best friend. And her son is one of Bodie’s good buddies. And our husbands love to spend time together, too! I mean, peeps, WHEN does that happen in life?!? It’s sort of like magic struck with our families. The kinda magic where NO ONE wants to leave when we have dinners together. Well, I mean, not “magic” – I mean, God specifically ordained for our families to cross paths. And fireworks kinda happened when we did.

Our girls met the week before kindergarten started. 

And before long, we were all fast friends. Since then, we have carpooled together, we have had spontaneous play dates and more dinners than I can count. We have vacationed together. We have rejoiced in one another’s joys (the birth of their sweet baby girl last year) and held each other’s hands through the hardships (our fire, Bodie’s surgeries, Dusk’s cardiac arrest…ok, well, really they’ve just held our hands. But honestly, it’s hard to compete with the crap that’s been thrown at our family!). We’ve walked through life the past 3 years together, binding our families. To find this kind of closeness with another family in this huge metropolis of LA is truly a rare find.

But their family has been called to a new mission field, in another part of the country.

I am so so so excited for them. I am 100,000% certain this is the absolute best move for their family. I know God has called them and they have willingly heard his call. I am so thrilled for them and this new adventure they’re about to embark on. I am so blessed to have role models in my life who hear God’s call and willingly answer. I know they must be scared – change is never easy. But after the change comes the good part, where they will settle into a new community, and a new group of people will shake their heads at their good luck in finding such an incredible family. 

But the hole they will be leaving behind is immeasurable. Big big BIG shoes to fill. In our lives. In our children’s lives. In our church. In our school. In our community. 

So, if you’re the praying kind, we could all use some prayers right about now. Pray for a smooth transition for this amazing family. Pray for open hearts and arms in their new community. And pray for us, those of us left behind trying to fill their void. We live in LA, which is such a transient city, so you’d think we’d be pretty good at this leaving game by now, but even so, sometimes it still stings. And there are a few that are REALLY hard to let go of. That would be this family. 

They’re leaving next week. I’ve done a really good job at pretending it’s not happening, at just going about life as usual. But when you get this close, it’s hard. I’m starting to actually have to envision what our lives, church and school will be like without this family and my heart is pretty heavy. And pray for Sierra – her best friend is leaving her. It’s hard for us adults to lose our best friends. But we’ve had a lifetime of learning to cope behind us. She has only 8 years. She’s struggling. Pray for peace for her little heart. Pray for friendships with the friends still at school to be strengthened, and for new friends to cross her path. 

Because this one's really hard to let go.

And, if you’re lucky enough to have a bestie who lives locally, who you can grab coffee with or drop in spontaneously on; if you’ve been blessed with those kind of friends in your life, with that special kind of magic, grab them and do dinner with them tonight.  Take them out to Starbucks. Hug them tight. And thank your lucky stars for the blessing of friendship. 

Hitting our Stride

We're wrapping up our second week of school, and I have to say, things have gone exceptionally well so far. As in, this is the first year we have not been in the mad back to school mood that usually takes a month to adjust out of. 

Sure, we've had our moments - like this morning, when it was school picture day and the kids had to be there 30 minutes early for the sibling pics - 

(so, not only did they have to be at school earlier than usual, but they actually had to look good, which meant the morning was pretty hectic - but I think they turned out pretty cute!), but on the whole, I'd say this is the smoothest start to school we've had. 

Not sure why, but I suspect it's at least partly due to my focus on slowing down, which has meant more time to decompress for all of us. 

I've made several small changes, but probably the two biggest have been:

1) having a fairly consistent bedtime of 7:45 for the kids. 

We used to do 8:30, and there would be nights that Bodie would still be wandering the house at 11pm because he couldn't fall asleep. Their therapist suggested that we were missing our window to get them to bed and that we needed to get them in bed earlier. She was totally right. Since we've moved their bedtime forward, I can count on one hand the number of nights Bodie has come out more than once. It's been so great.

2) instituting a "siesta time" 

(a brilliant concept one of my dearest friends, Valerie, introduce me to). 

 During the first 30 minutes after we get home from school, the kids and I all separate and do our own thing. Sometimes we're all in the same room, but the one rule is that we don't interact with each other. The way I figure it, they've been around people all day, expected to behave well, and they need a minute to themselves, to gather their thoughts and recharge. And, heck, I NEED it. I'm an introvert and it's the only way I recharge. Turns out they're the same way. Who knew.

Bodie usually plays with kinetic sand during siesta time. Sierra reads or does a craft - or sometimes starts on her homework. 

So we're plugging along. School is going well. Really, really well. Sierra is LOVING her new third grade class, and Bodie couldn't possibly love kindergarten more. They come home with huge smiles every single day. It's been such a relief. 

Sierra is now in band, and is playing the clarinet. She loves it and is learning so much!

Bodie has started speech therapy, to work on projecting his voice better (an after effect of his paralyzed vocal cord from his first surgery) and a few articulation issues Boston picked up on. We're already seeing improvement, which is fantastic.

He's also doing soccer at school (and is SO excited about it), and we started him in gymnastics, to help with strength and endurance. And oh, my, this kid could not possibly be more obsessed with gymnastics. 

That face…I mean. He held that position for almost 10 seconds (and then did it several more times!) and was so unbelievably proud. 

Gymnastics has been the best fit for him. We're so happy.

And he had a cardiology appointment yesterday, which went incredibly well. 

I've been noticing more sweatiness and slightly lower oxygen sats lately, so I was concerned. But his echo was beautiful, with great function and no valve regurgitation. So we're just watching it (and hoping it's just due to our recent bout of crazy hot and humid weather)! We got to go down on his Sildenafil, which was great news. 

The best news? After almost a year sitting at the same weight, we made some changes, including adding a can of Pediasure to his diet - and he has gained a whopping 3 POUNDS since June!!! That was music to my ears!

We celebrated by grabbing our flu shots (and matching bandaids!) and heading to soccer practice.

Because that's just how the Bennetts roll. 

Hope your back to school is going as smoothly as ours!

 

A new era

These two kiddos headed back to school today.

For the FIRST time ever, they are AT THE SAME SCHOOL!

After a very stressful evening last night (let's just say a certain someone had just a little bit of anxiety about starting kindergarten today!), today went off beautifully!

 

(this may be what happens when you spend your summer listening to the entire Little House on the Prairie series!)

 

Sierra was super excited to start back to THIRD grade!!! 

She was most excited to see all of her besties again, especially Anna! 

And Bodie…let's just say he knocked my socks off. I was expecting a hard time separating from me (one of B's trademark personality traits), a super hard time focusing, a lot of nervousness and anxiety from him, etc. 

But I got NONE of that! Instead, I got a super duper excited little boy, who walked in like a boss, put on that name tag... and totally owned it.

We got him settled into his room, and then I asked him if he wanted to go with me to get Sierra settled into her new room. His response? "No, I don't think so. I want to stay here and play." I so did not expect that! WOW! NO separation anxiety whatsoever (on his part at least - and I was too stunned to be sad!). Suffice it to say, this kid was READY. 

It really helped that he absolutely adores his teacher. 

 And that he's sitting right next to his best friend, Anika. 

I mean, seriously, how cute are these two? They have BIG plans for a future together - it's totally hilarious to hear them talk about it. 

I'm pretty sure, as long as he has Ani by his side, this kid thinks he can do anything (and he's probably right)!

In a fun coincidence, Ani was dressed exactly the same as Sierra, even down to matching shoes!

When I picked up the kids after school, they were bubbling over about how much they loved their new teachers, and their new classes. Bodie said it was his "best day ever" and that he wishes he could do it again. And his teacher said he did GREAT (so well behaved she almost forgot he was there - I'm 100% certain we've never heard that about Bodie! Ha!). What a blessing!

We feel so grateful today - grateful that Bodie has gotten to this point (no small feat by any measure of calculation), is starting kindergarten, and is doing so in an incredibly loving and caring environment - the same environment that has nurtured Sierra through an incredible amount of trauma these past few years. This school has been a shelter in the storm for Sierra - and we are so grateful to see Bodie welcomed with such open arms.

Here is to a very, very good year ahead.