This is my child

This is my child.

This is my child, who I have prayed over while he grew in my belly, perfect and beautiful, specially chosen by God to reflect His glory and grace in his brokenness, his imperfect body.

This is my child, who I have cried over, who I have agonized over, who I have laid beside and begged to breathe, to fight to live, as a fragile newborn.

This is my child, who I have hit my knees over, time and time again, begging God to spare him, to let us keep him and love him.

This is my child, who I have willed to eat, to take medicine, to crawl, to walk, to talk, to push himself beyond what anyone thought he should be capable of.

But those days are just a shadow now.

Today, this is my child, who now runs through my halls, having pillow fights with his sister and daddy, and riding his tricycle, and climbing and digging and laughing.

This is my child, who lives every inch of his life with more passion than most people a lifetime older than him.

This is my child, who talks of having a dog, and going to kindergarten and playing soccer someday.

This is my child, who loves and adores his sister with every ounce of his being. 

This is my child, who’s only question last night as we talked of procedures and hospitals was “but how will we get out of the hospital?”

So when you ask me how I’d doing, facing tomorrow’s cath and next month’s surgery, I will smile and say “I’m fine.” As a believer, as a daughter of God, I am fine. I know NOTHING is going to happen tomorrow or next month that He does not know about, that He has not ordained. I know He loves my son far more than his father and I could ever imagine.

But I am a mother. And this is my child. My arms ache when he is at home with the sitter and I am at work and I cannot run to hug him. How much harder it will be when it is not just a sitter, and a job, that separates us. But an anesthesiologist, and a doctor, and an OR…and countless machines and life giving medications.

I know this, all of this, is necessary for my son to have the best shot he can at the life God has called him to. We have always known that, since before we ever even met our sweet Bodie in person. But my mother’s heart breaks over this. So tomorrow and on July 29^th, and every day in between and following, please pray for my son, for his heart, for his mind, for his spirit.  And for my mother’s heart. 

Because this is my child. And he is my whole world.