This heart walk is crazy. It's exhilarating and beautiful. But it's also exhausting and overwhelming. And often isolating. In the midst of the craziness that this walk entails, I sometimes forget that others are watching our journey, that others are using our journey to light their path as well. Sometimes, our walk with Bodie seems so personal, so much our story that I forget that our first prayer for Bodie was always that his life would glorify God.
And then a day like today happens. A friend stops by to bring you dinner. Oh, and she hands you a bag with "just a little something for you. The card explains it all." And you open it later and find a gorgeous red shawl inside. A prayer shawl. A gorgeous red prayer shawl (red, for Bodie's heart; and red, for courage). And the most incredible card you have ever received. A card that literally has you in tears, explaining how the shawl is a representation of so many prayers said over it, for Bodie, and for your family.
I won't share it all here, because it is honestly so beautiful and personal it wouldn't feel right sharing it in such a public setting. But I will share one sentence in it, that really hit me -
"You have the courage of Mary to say "yes" to God (Luke 1:58) and to welcome a child that you know is going to bring you deep heartache, and I know that God is using you to bring courage to the hearts of many other moms..."
What a wonderful gift this was. What an encouragement to keep pushing forward on this journey, no matter how scary and tiring it is at times. What a powerful reminder that our journey with Bodie has never been just about our family. It has always been about God using Bodie's journey to point others toward Him. And about bringing support and love to those traveling this path behind us. And how the other stuff is really just that - other stuff. Not so much important.
Thank you so much, my sweet friend, for this incredible gift. It means more to me than I can possibly express.
And, as an aside, I love God's perfect timing. Hours before receiving this gift, Dusk and I had literally been talking about how perhaps I'm not handling everything we have going on as well as one might hope (apparently, he doesn't like my method of continuing to be overcommitted, just letting everything hit the fan and then screaming at everyone else when things don't go according to my plan which has left no room for error - who knew?!?). So, it was a VERY well timed reminder of what's important in all the craziness; that I need to be focused on God and HIS plan for how to maneuver through this difficult time, rather than on my ideas of how to do it. And a powerful reminder that people are praying for us - because, clearly, we continue to need the prayer.
And, in related news, we're looking for a nanny to help us out a bit until Dusk is done recovering. If anyone local thinks they might be up to the task, please shoot me an email. :-)